Are Men really the “Heads”of their Wives?

Hullo. It’s me again. *winks* I wanna talk about something today, that cuts across both single and married folks. I hope you find it interesting but most importantly learn a thing or two.

Earlier this week, something happened *swallows spit*. You see *pauses*, what happened was that my friend decided to probe her boyfriend on an underrated topic-“Should a husband show appreciation to his wife after a meal?” The response she got was shocking enough for her to call me in panic. His response in short, was that a man is the head of the family; the provider, therefore he shouldn’t have to say “thank you” or appreciate her effort because she is merely carrying out her “responsibility” of cooking the food he “bought”. *Sighs*

The truth is he loves her dearly, he seems like an amazing man. He makes her very happy (which is vital because I can’t stand my friend being in an unhappy relationship) and would someday make a great husband. But in that moment all I could think was “WAWU!!!” The truth is, this is the mentality of most Nigerian men. Yes! Even the highly educated ones.

I thought I’d share my thoughts and reservations on the topic with you all. The fact that there is a Bible verse “For the man is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the saviour”-Ephesians 5: 23 doesn’t give men the license to take advantage of their wives. Personally yeah, I have always had a problem with men who regard themselves as the ‘head’ of their wives mostly because my dad doesn’t like it either. I remember growing up, when we regard him as such, he’ll go all “No, Dad and Mom are partners” or “God is the head of this family, we’re just here to guide you as parents” and this was years ago. What more in 2017?! I acknowledge that God referred to a man as the head of his wife but like another friend of my mine will say, “A man is the head but his wife is the neck─that controls the head.” *winks* I’m a strong believer in the word of God but I think Nigerian men take the “head thingy” too far (mostly to suit them). The Bible also said in Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for God” (NIV). And as you read further, there is a breakdown of each person’s role. Verse 22 then went on to address wives, “Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

Then in verse 25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy (In other words, men should do everything within their capabilities to protect, provide and care for their wives), cleansing her (the church) by washing with water through the word.”

Verse 28: “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (NIV).

You can read further in Ephesians 5:21-33. All this is just to show that most Nigerian men misinterpret and twist this aspect of the Bible all in their respect-seeking attitude. If you’re gonna extract something from the Bible, then just go the whole length and do it correctly. Saint Paul’s message is to “submit to one another”, therefore, as your wives submit to you in everything so are you obliged to submit to her as well. In order words, it isn’t a one-way thingy. Hence the word “Partners”. You each have your role to play and just because it is a “responsibility” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t appreciate your partner. Just because she is now your wife doesn’t mean you should stop going out of your way to impress/please her.

In my opinion, referring to a man as the ‘head’ of the wife is to emphasize how imperative it is that wives should respect their husbands at all times. Obviously no one will disrespect a ‘leader’ or a ‘King’ no matter how annoying or wrong he is (And we know how women possess the tendency to run their mouths and maybe get rude if triggered by certain situations. Thus the need for emphasis. Just saying). This isn’t to say you aren’t expected to respect your wife as well. It’s similar to how in Verse 25, emphasis is placed on husbands loving their wives and going to any length to take care of her. This however, does not exempt a woman from also loving and taking care of her husband. In addition, some of the qualities of a great leader/head is ‘to serve’ his people. In this context, a man is obligated to ensure his wife is provided for at all times, listen to her, involve her in his decisions, be sensitive and derive utmost joy from keeping her happy. You get my point right? Good. It is quite saddening when you see husbands act like bosses in their homes, this brings me to ‘treating your wife as an equal partner’. Yeah, there’s a stress on ‘equal’. A partner can be defined as “A person who takes part in an undertaking with another, especially in a business or firm with shared risks and profits”. The definition of equal is “having the same status, rights, and opportunities”- Both from Oxford Dictionary. Your wife should be treated like she has an equal say in the affairs of your home, every decision-making process and many more. She should complement you and make up for your weaknesses, magnify your strengths and you hers. I cannot overemphasize how vital it is that you let your wife know that you regard her as an equal partner, both verbally and via actions. It not only makes her happy but also makes her see you in a different light and makes her respect you even more. Trust me.

“Thank you” and “Please” are the most underrated words in marriages. You agree right? I’m not married but I have quite a number of married folks around me including my parents (Ha Ha). I see and hear a lot things while taking in the good as I learn from their mistakes. The little things matter the most, they really do. Ranging from showing interest in each other’s hobbies/work, praying together, a “Welcome-back-from-work” kiss, to getting each other little random gifts and paying attention to each other’s needs. Stop using words like “I, me, myself” and start using words like ‘you, us, ours”. Little things like these make the difference between a good relationship/marriage and a great one.

To the single folks, the values and tradition that you imbibe and practise in your relationship is what you take into marriage, so quit saying “When we marry, it will be different”, “When we marry, I’ll learn/change”. Start now! Start laying the foundation of your marriage from now. I wish you the very best and I hope to get feedback from you. Tell me what you think, your experiences, your thoughts and opinions.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and do subscribe. *kisses*

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Valentine’s Day is Overrated

Screenshot_2016-01-08-03-01-03~2Valentine’s day is more than cards, candy hearts and gifts but I’ll spare you the interesting details of how Valentine’s day came about and move on………………

Yeah Yeah!! So the perception is that it is a day to show love to one another blah blah blah………… *rolling my eyes* WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL THIS WHILE? SHOWING HATRED? NOT CARING?! Majority of folks act like Valentine’s day is an alarm clock screaming “WAKEUP!!!” unfortunately they fall right back into their miserable slumber once the day is over.

I find it unreal and exasperating; a day when hypocrisy and fakery of the highest order is being practised. Have you seen the thought and effort people put in a couple of days or even weeks before the 14th of February (Either just to be a part of the whole thingy or to actually surprise their partner for reals, whichever it is)? It is commonly seen in newlyweds and new couples and of course couples that have been together for a while catch the flu as well (All of which would have been perfect if the flu persists throughout the year and always). Forgive my deviation, I’m back on track……………Right after Val’s day is over, they all go back to their regular attitude (of not paying enough attention to their spouse, being lackadaisical, not being thoughtful, never giving random gifts or trying hard enough to please their partners and keep them happy). Now that is what sucks my friend. Hullllooooooooooooooooo!!!! Were you hypnotised or “jazzed” prior to the 14th? Wait!! Don’t tell me, I know; “That was not your real self” right? *winks* Told you I knew it.

Why do you have to wait for some cliché day to show your partner how much they mean to you? Shouldn’t you try to do everything within your capacity to ensure you continually please & keep each other happy all the days of your lives together? (Though I’d like to point out that in most cases men are mostly guilty of negligence; evidently speaking.) HUH??? Did someone just say “Because if I do that every day she/he will start taking me for granted? Then you shouldn’t be with that person you SillyHead!!! Don’t tell me to calm down alright?! (*Lmao* Okay! I’m calm, I’m good. It’s never that deep nau).

Hey you reading this, yeah YOU! If you fall into this category I gotta tell you there is no easier way to put it, the fact is that you’ve not been such a great partner (and that’s me saying it in the nicest possible way, but don’t go feeling bad coz fortunately you can still fix it). Everything might seem okay at the moment, but Sugarplum with no attitude adjustment, it’s only a matter of time before your negligence starts sinking your relationship and it just might be too late then. So make a change right now. You probably have invested a lot of time, money and effort to plan a lovely surprise for your partner specially for this day but you shouldn’t stop at that. Let today be the beginning of a new you, henceforth let your ‘real self’ be known to your partner and them alone if necessary. You may not necessarily put in as much money or planning as you did today (so special occasions will stand out) but you shouldn’t stop being this much thoughtful, caring and doing your best to please her/him; make them anticipate spending each day with you like every other day is Valentine’s day. I know it’s not gonna be easy especially for married couples but nothing beautiful comes easy. I recently came across an interview on the history of St Valentine with an Irish priest; Father O’Gara and he said “If Valentine were here today, he would say to married couples that there comes a time where you’re going to have to suffer. It’s not going to be easy to maintain your commitment and your vows in marriage. Don’t be surprised if the “gushing” love that you have for someone changes to something less “gushing” but maybe much mature. And the question is, is that young person ready for that?”

So………………… Are you ready for what it takes to truly love someone? Are you ready to do everything in your capacity to nurture a relationship? Every type of relationship requires effort, care, paying attention to the little things as well as you would the big ones and need I remind you that a relationship isn’t like a job where you can have a sick-off, take a leave of absent or go on annual leave?…….. If you want in then it’s gotta be a 100% and some more. So tell me again what you said your excuse was for waiting until Val’s day to show so much love, care and put in your best?…… Drop all the excuses, let go of the fear of being taken for granted, open your heart completely and get ready to experience lots of amazing positive changes in your relationship.  You put your partner at the top of your priorities today (which is an amazing thing to do), now do yourself a favour and leave her/him right there and hopefully it will work out for the best.

I hope you’ll have a beautiful day with that special person creating beautiful memories. Least I forget, I got something for the guys (Believe it or not, the success and happiness of every relationship starts from the man, so you could call this my Val’s gift to you *grins*) “Always treat her the way you did when your Love began and fear not because there will never be an End”. And I can assure you that you’ll be ecstatic you did because “For every action and investment a man puts into a woman, he gets back in multiple folds” (If you never knew that, now you do. Use this info wisely).

Hey, don’t forget to do something nice for that old man, poor orphan or whoever you run into.

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The Valentine’s Gift Guide

images (8)Hullo Guys!!! I know it can’t get any more obvious than this but my dramatic mode is on a high right now so permit me to say this officially *clears throat, picks the microphone and talks in my OAP voice* “The internationally and very much anticipated February 14 is a few blocks away”. I know! I know!! Thank you for verbally acknowledging that I got a voice even sexier than those air hostesses I made reference to about a while ago. Without much ado, let’s get to business because that’s all you’re here for at the moment.

WELCOME TO MY BLOG IF YOU’RE A FIRST TIMER!!! (A glass of Champagne? Please have some). FOR YOU TO BE HERE, YOU MUST HAVE A SPOUSE, FIANCEE, FIANCE, A NEW BOO OR A LONG-TERM BOO, POTENTIAL BOO OR SOMEONE WHOSE ATTENTION YOU’RE TRYING TO GET AND NEED IDEAS ON HOW TO BLOW THEIR MINDS AWAY THIS VALENTINE SEASON. Okay Fine! I hear your thoughts screaming at me “Get to it already!!!”, right? I’m no Gentleman but we’ll do the Ladies first.

There are a lot of angles to cover but I’ll try my best to help each one of you figure something out and wow her/him. I’m assuming y’all know this person a bit if not very well but if you don’t or even if you do, it’s best you seek the guidance of someone closest to her/him; friend? sister? brother? (either directly or otherwise) after we figure out what you’ll go for. Pay attention and get ready to have yourself floating in options at the end of this.

                             

STUN HER ON VALENTINE’S DAY

APPETIZER

  • A personally selected card. You think she might not read or appreciate it but do not underestimate the magic of a beautiful card. I advise you include handwritten words in addition to the card’s message.
  • A bouquet

WARNING!!! TRY TO AVOID GIVING ONLY A CARD. It’s like an appetiser in a 3-course meal. Kapish? Good.

MAIN COURSE

There are a variety of things you can get for a lady, they include:

  • Bags: It’s best you go for designers; Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Michael Kors, Victoria Beckham, Salvatore Ferragamo and others or her favourite designer (Ensure you’re not sold a fake because we don’t want a repeat of the I.K Ogbonna incident).
  • Shoes: There ain’t no lady who don’t love a pair of hot heels. There are also lovely designer sneakers she’ll love or you could get both (your budget and her preference will dictate).
  • Wristwatches: Whichever designer you go for will depend on your budget and her taste (If you have even the slightest doubt, this is where you’ll need her closest friend or sister). Some ladies prefer and wear only masculine watches so you need to do your homework well.
  • Jewelleries: A pair of real pearl earrings with or without a matching necklace (that’s if she ain got one already) will blow her mind or any earring at all you know she’d love. A bracelet is another option (you can get and even customise them with something romantic, I know for sure PANDORA does that).
  • Perfumes: You can get her a new perfume by her favourite designer, a perfume she’s been wanting to get, or you could even smell a couple and choose one that you’d love on her (Now that’s something she’ll find romantic). You can also get her a feminine version of your signature perfume or go all out and purchase a Fragrance collection containing a Perfume, Body Spray, Moisturiser and/or Bath wash all-in-one (one of my favourites is Kylie Minogue’s, it’s a flowery scent if that’s something she likes).
  • Designer Dresses: Ensure you get it in her exact size and colour she’ll love. You can go for designers like Chanel, Michael Kors, Versace, Christian Dior, Alexander McQueen, etc.
  • A teddy bear: It depends on her and it could be huge or small depending on her preference (There’s the possibility she ain’t a teddy bear person but if she is, and has no size preference then I advise you go for a reasonably large one).
  • Spend time with her in a romantic restaurant or a place you know she’ll love (Turn off your gadgets to avoid distraction).
  • Make-up: You probably think this is crazy and might not wanna be caught dead in a make-up store (especially if you’re one of those ‘anti-chessy-put-your-rep-and-ego-before-your-significant-other’ type of man). You gotta trust me, do you wanna blow her mind or not? Good! Get her a lipstick colour(s) that you’d love on her or one that you’re sure she would like or has been searching for (in this case, get the exact picture she keeps on her phone so you’ll get the exact shade of lipstick, I’d advise you get in MAC, REVLON, L’OREAL, INGLOT,MAYBELLINE, TARA or SLEEK Products to be safe). You can also add a mascara and a sweet-tasting lip gloss or balm to the lot. You can add more flavour by including a nail polish.

WARNING: DO NOT GET MAKE-UP ONLY. It’s like a side dish.

 

DESSERT

  • A cake with a personal message on it. Ensure to order in her favourite flavour; it could be red velvet, chocolate, vanilla, coconut and all (Does any ring a bell? If not, proceed to finding out in whatever way that doesn’t get her suspicious).
  • Her favourite cookies, ice-cream, sweets or a box of chocolates (there’s no rule that says you can’t get em all. *Lmao*).
  • Do something to show that you’re proud to be with her, it could be putting up a picture of her or both of you on a social media telling her how much she means to you by including a sweet message in the caption. If you’re a low-key person or your relationship is under wraps then this isn’t for you (But you can send her a link or picture of a romantic message).
  • FOR AN EXTRA SPICY SURPRISE (FOR MARRIED COUPLES)
  1. Make her breakfast.
  2. Help out with the kids.
  3. Get a nanny or somebody to look after the kids and take her out for a romantic dinner.
  4. Tell her not to cook dinner and pick up something nice on your way home.
  5. Order for a cake/pizza/doughnuts/waffles to be delivered to her at work/home.

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LEAVE HIM SPEECHLESS ON VALENTINE’S DAY

“Women like stress”, “Women are complicated” (Says Men. *rme*). This is why it is easier to pick out gifts for women than it is men but I came up with the best I could, with some help I admit.

  • A personally selected card with handwritten words as earlier stated.
  • Something you know he loves, could be his favourite wine, cookies or chocolates.
  • A customised cake (I know some of you don’t agree but what rule says the guy can’t be given one especially if he’s a sweet tooth or a cake-freak?).
  • A perfume/aftershave by a favourite designer of his.
  • A pair of custom-made cufflinks.
  • A wristwatch or bracelet with something romantic engraved in it (you could use his initials as well).
  • A customised t-shirt or jersey of his favourite football/basketball club.
  • Some designer shirts and ties (For corporate guys).
  • A designer briefcase or a messenger bag (depending on his preference).
  • A nice pair of shoes or sneakers you’re sure he’ll love or one he plans to order.
  • Cook his favourite meal (well garnished with an enticing set-up).
  • Take him out for dinner in a romantic restaurant or a place you know he’ll love (Turn off your gadgets to avoid distraction and Girl, do not go dutch!).
  • Get tickets to a game, a movie or a play that will amuse him.
  • FOR AN EXTRA SPICY SURPRISE (MARRIED COUPLES)
  1. Wake him up with some early morning “cookie”.
  2. Get a masseuse to come give him a whole body massage or give him one yourself.
  3. Surprise him at work by having lunch delivered to him from his favourite restaurant.
  4. Wear something nice for him even if you’re just gonna have dinner at home.

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I hope I have been able to help, and remember you can always refer back to this in case you need help in deciding on a birthday gift, anniversary gifts or random gifts.

WARNING TO ALL: ENSURE THEY DO NOT GET SUSPICIOUS.

Waitaminnnnnnnn!!! I almost forgot to include it; Gadgets! Gadgets!! (It could be the latest iPhone, iPad, Playstation or whatever gadget she/he is freaked about). Oh! And don’t forget the gift bag(s) in her/his favourite colour, every detail is important, trust me. You’ll be glad you put in this much effort and thought when you see how their faces light up because of you. Aaaaaaaaaaaand   It’s a wrap!!! HAVE FUN OKAY?! Laters guys.